And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Resistance Rap, One Peachy Wish


One Wish –Disclaimer: I don’t promote violence. I do hate haters and wish they weren’t among us. I also appreciate my First Amendment rights to free speech, and I intend to use them to the fullest. I’ve been too quiet for too long. It’s time for a new rap song!


I have one wish.
It goes like this: Trump gets impeached. The world knows bliss.
He goes down hard, and he goes down fast.
‘Cuz hate expires and love’s what lasts.

I’d say that I don’t wish him ill. But that may be an alternative fact.
So I plead the fifth – It’s still intact.

He’s hateful and a liar too. His every tweet:
You’re (FAKE) and biased. I’m gonna sue!

My wish gets better in every way:   
Steve Bannon says “I’ll save the day.”
Then POOF! Gone with the Nazis & the KKK.
Don’t be hippo cranium!” Ben Carson shouts.
Ima shock the hippopotamus, hippocampus college ‘n build Lego house!  POOF! He’s gone, just like his brain. 
Who knew the doc was that insane?
Kellyanne somersaults into the scene.  Since Gumby,
her legs more limber than we’ve ever seen.
She flips and lands in the splits; 
the Russian Judge holds up a “10.”
Then Conway walks into any book, never to be seen again.
Pence is jolted with honesty that sends him on a gay rights spree.
“I’m gay and proud, as I should be,” says he.
He dumps his post to promote marriage equality.

Indulge me while I take this wish into a coulda-shoulda-woulda twist
Were this a true democracy, we all know who our President would be
And as VP, Bernie would choose, well, me.

Resist, Persist, Impeach, Resist. 

This is my one and only wish.
He goes down hard, and he goes down fast.
‘Cuz hate expires, and love’s what lasts.
Start with kindness. Find a star.
That priceless pair brought us this far.
Resist, Persist, Impeach, Resist.
This, my one and only wish.
My only wish! 


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Persist and keep a peachy wish, my friends.
Love you. 

Monday, March 13, 2017

St. Patrick's Erotica

Dear Sillies,
I hope March is being good to you.
Happy Saint Patty's. A lucky week to one and all!

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Reasons for Celibacy #398-402 and the Flat-Faced Dog Lover's Final Bark

My Dear Sillies,

How's March treating you? Even though the bigger picture seems to grow increasingly unbearable, and because of this, may the smaller picture of your daily life be a pleasant one.

As for me, I'm doing fine. I do best, as you likely noticed, when single and not in that crazy zone that I readily enter when there's a man in my vicinity (or body part). It's not as much fun this way, but it's a lot more calm and productive.  Since that whole bar brawl saga, too, it feels good and necessary to have quiet weekends to myself.

All this said, to further validate that celibacy is really the most sane option for a single straight gal, I now move us past 400 (WOOHOO!) reasons for this calm and boring lifestyle. They're lifted from real on-line dating ads, flavored by my italicized comments, and posted for your enjoyment.
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REASON #398: K First off I know most of you woman can't read, or your color blind, or just have no self respect. K most of this woman can tell that your personality and (lack of) intellect won’t get you a date at the Taco Bell Drive Thru, Walmart aisle 5 (7 maybe, but not 5), or the 7-11 at 12th and Broadway in any city anywhere, anytime. 

REASON #399:
I_wear_pants.
And for that, honey, the world thanks you.

REASON #400:
swm who wants to have the pleasure of worshiping a ladies feet. Ive only had the expirence once and loved it.id love to be rubbing your feet and massaging your ankles n heals would make my day . You mean, like real foot worship? I like to bring a man to his knees, sweetie, but I toe the line at a foot fetish.

REASON #401:
You’re almost there, babe. Almost.

REASON #402:
I;m sure we all have similar stories and are trying to get back on our horse, so with that Giddy up,,  YEEHAW! Ladies and Gentleman, it’s Punctuation Cowboy!

REASON #403:
I'm looking for forever. Only I want it yesterday. Can we talk today
I’ll let you know tomorrow, darling.
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   And do you remember the Flat-Faced Dog Lover? He brought his dog, Heidi, with him on dates. Yeah, things were going well; I was certain he’d seal the deal by initiating a kiss at the end of date two. Instead, Flat Face scurried madly to let his doggy out of the car. [“I've gotta go get Heidi!" he shouted as I prepared to lean in for the pucker.] That was over six months ago, and no barks from him since. Not until this recent text message:

Hi Robyn. It’s (Flat-Faced Dog Lover). How are you? Sorry I disappeared a while back. If you’d like to reconnect msg me back.”

Thank you for the message. I'm well. Hope you are too. Gonna pass on a reconnect. Best wishes to you” –I paused in a moment of thoughtful contemplation. . . Do I add what I’m thinking of adding? Yes! No! Yes! Do it for your readers! So yes, I did add . . . “and your dog.

Sent.
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Keep a smile, my friends.
Take good care of yourselves.